Divorce

Q: Is divorce typically a good solution to my problems if I have a tough marriage?

A: No, divorce is typically not a solution, but merely an exchange of problems. Divorce is not an easy fix to your problems[1]

Q: Why is divorce an issue for Christians?

A: God designed marriage to be a binding, weighty covenant. God takes our wedding covenants seriously, even when we do not. Divorce tears at the heart of God’s redemptive plan for the world.[2]

Q: When is it biblically acceptable for a married couple to get a divorce?

A: In the case of consistent, unrepentant immorality, and when an unbelieving spouse deserts a believer. Most Christian pastors and counselors will still discourage divorce even in these situations unless all options and treatments have been exhausted. Although there are some scriptural exceptions that permit divorce, most couples seeking a divorce today do so for unbiblical reasons[3]

Q: What should I do if I am considering getting a divorce?

A: The best thing to do when considering divorce is to find someone who is willing and able to walk with you during this time, be it either a brother or sister in Christ, a trained Christian counselor, or the pastor of your local church. Additionally, you need to seek God in His Word, utilizing the best resource of all.[4]

Q: What should I do if I already had a divorce?

A: Do not try to recruit your child into siding with you over the other parent. Try to contain your hostility in front of your children, and do not badmouth your ex-spouse in front of them. Reassure your child that he or she did not do anything to cause the divorce. Children can feel guilty when parents get divorced, and need to be reassured that the divorce was not their fault.[5]

Q: What are some statistics about divorce?

A: For couples marrying today, the lifetime probability of divorce or separation remains between 40 and 50 percent before one partner dies. More than one million children a year experience their parents’ divorce.[6]

Q: What are the same of the realities of marriages that end in divorce?

A: Research shows the majority of marriages ending in divorce have average levels of happiness and conflict. In other words, these are not deeply troubled, physically or emotionally abusive relationships, although even those are not always irreversibly broken. In short, most of the marriages that end in divorce are just plain average, or "good enough." Instead of throwing in the towel, these average marriages could be improved over time – if the spouses stayed together.[7]

Q: How would divorce affect me financially?

A: Studies show that women experiencing divorce face roughly a 30 percent decline in the standard of living they enjoyed while married, and men show a 10 percent decline. Costs for a divorce vary, but most are typically over $10,000.[8]

Q: What are some of the other implications of divorce?

A: Research shows that life expectancies for divorced men and women are significantly lower than for married people (who have the longest life expectancies). Additionally, a recent study found that those who were unhappy but stayed married were more likely to be happy five years later than those who divorced. Many studies have also shown that the emotional trauma of divorce has a long-term impact on the physical health of the body. Finally, studies have shown that second marriages have a much higher rate of divorce than first marriages.[9]

[1] Dennis Rainey, “What Does the Bible Say About Divorce?” Family Life. Focus on the Family, 2013, http://bit.ly/17OQA2o. (Accessed January 21, 2015)

[2] Ibid.

[3] Ibid.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Author’s Name Not Listed, “Dealing with Divorce,” Psychology Today. Psychology Today, No publication date, http://bit.ly/1NdRWnK. (Accessed January 22, 2015).

[6] Ibid.

[7] Rainey, “What Does the Bible Say About Divorce?” http://bit.ly/17OQA2o. (Accessed January 21, 2015)

[8] Atlee L. Stroup and Gene E. Pollock, "Economic Consequences of Marital Dissolution," Journal of Divorce and Remarriage 22 (1994).

[9] Author’s Name Not Listed, “Dealing with Divorce,” No publication date, http://bit.ly/1NdRWnK. (Accessed January 22, 2015).

Matthew 5:31-32 Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

Matthew 19:8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

Mark 10:10-12 In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:15-17 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches.

1 Corinthians 7:24 Brethren, let each one remain with God in that state in which he was called.

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Deuteronomy 23:23 That which has gone from your lips you shall keep and perform, for you voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth.

Malachi 2:16 For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”

Focus on the Family – Family Life “What does the Bible say about Divorce?” 

Focus on the Family – “How Should a Christian View Marriage and Divorce?”

Psychology Today – “8 Guidelines: Friendly Divorce”

Grissom, Steve, Kathy Leonard, and Timothy Smith, Divorce Care: Hope, Help, and Healing During and After Your Divorce (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2006).